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Yes
it can. But it doesn't have to. Some children have behavioral and emotional
problems that predispose them to serious trouble in their preteen and teen
years. Whether the trouble is
alcohol or other drug use, pregnancy, or suicidal tendencies, a common
characteristic of young people predisposed to these problems (and others) is low self-esteem.
A child with low self-esteem feels that he/she is not as good as
others. The child may feel unwanted or unworthy, or may have felt pressured to
achieve by parents or others. If the child fails to measure up, he/she may
believe that he/she is "no good".
A
child with low self-esteem craves social acceptance. So when
classmates (even in preteen years) make it known that using alcohol or other
drugs are "cool", he/she is likely to go along with them in an
attempt to belong. Low
self-esteem isn't the only factor that leads to alcohol or other drug use. An indulged child whose parents
grant every wish may seek out drugs, feeling that he/she is entitled to this
forbidden fruit. The
spoiled child also may be bored, turning to alcohol or other drugs to relieve
the monotony. Another
factor that contributes to drug use is the pressure of being a teenager. A
teenager is no longer a child, but not yet an adult. The inner turmoil and
discontent commonly experienced during this stage contribute to arguments
about staying out late, using the car, and the like.
The teenage drug user reacts not
only to the normal pressure of adolescence, but also to other emotional
troubles that may show up as excessive hostility toward parents, school,
society, or himself or herself. Such
problems originated long before puberty, but can be effectively addressed
through appropriate therapy. Also,
if there is a history of alcohol or other drug abuse in earlier
generations-even if it doesn't seem to have touched the parents directly-the
children are at high risk to becoming addicts.
What
can parents do?
Parents of children with obvious behavioral and emotional problems
should seek professional help without delay. Even children who seem to be okay
should be watched for signs of problem behavior that they may be successfully
concealing. Bridging the Gap Between Parents & Teens When
asked about their problems with parents, teenagers most often cite "not being listened to"
as a cause of conflict. Really
listening is not always easy. Nor
is communicating. Here are general
guidelines that can help bridge the communication gap between parents and teens. Give
your individual attention when your teenager wants to talk.
Don't read, watch television, or make yourself busy with other tasks. Try
to listen calmly, even though there may be a difference of opinion.
Concentrate on hearing and understanding your teenager's point of view.
Don't start preaching when a give-and-take situation is more desirable. Develop
a courteous tone of voice in communications.
Respect brings respect - even in the way we speak.
If we talk to our offspring as we talk to other people, our own
youngsters are more likely to seek us out as confidants.
Gruffness or abruptness can arouse hostility, whereas a pleasant tone of
voice can pay great dividends in improved relationships. Avoid
making judgments.
It is natural to avoid confiding in someone who is critical of one's
behavior. It is not always
necessary to approve of your teenager's behavior, but it is important to
understand the feelings involved. It
is a challenge for a parent to be firm about important values, while being
flexible. Keep
the door open on any subject.
Too often teenagers avoid discussing things that may make their parents
uncomfortable. Belittling,
humiliating and laughing at youngsters can cause deep wounds and short circuit
the lines of communication. Teenagers
often pay a very high price for not having the right information about many
subjects, including sex. Permit
expression of ideas and feelings.
Often young people "test" their ideas in conversation.
To communicate, you must be willing to listen to and acknowledge your
teenager's opinions, even if they differ from yours.
Then give your viewpoints as plainly and honestly as you can, recognizing
that love and mutual respect can exist, even when points of view differ. Encourage
positive self-worth.
Help your youngster build confidence by encouraging (but not forcing)
participation in sports, hobbies or other interests. Be
aware of how you treat other children in the family.
Do you show favoritism? This
can make a child feel rejected, unloved and jealous.
Try to be fair and consistent. It
will pay off. Make
an effort to acknowledge accomplishments.
Parents often tend to focus on poor performance and behavior.
Everyone needs acceptance and appreciation. Hold
family conferences.
Most teenagers feel they have little or no voice in family affairs.
Family gatherings offer an excellent opportunity for children to
participate in decision making and to work things out together. | ||||||||||||