Discipline
Helping children understand
responsibility for their actions
Helping
a child to behave in an acceptable manner is a necessary part of raising the
child well. Discipline varies at different ages. There is no one right way to
raise children, but child and adolescent psychiatrists offer the following
guidelines:
Children
generally want to please their parents. Wise parents can, in their disciplining
activities, use children’s desire to please.
When parents show joy and approval for behavior that pleases them, this
reinforces good behavior in the child. When parents show disapproval of
dangerous or unpleasant behavior, the child is helped to stop. If parents are
persistent in working on problem behaviors at the early stages, they are more
likely to be successful when the child is older.
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The
way the parent corrects a child or adolescent for misbehavior should make sense
to the youngster, and not be so strict that the child or adolescent cannot later
feel the parent’s love and good intentions.
Children and adolescents can and do anger parents, and parents need good
self-control when they are angry. Although a loud “no” may get the attention
of a toddler heading for a street full of traffic, it does not quiet a crying
baby. For older children, there should be clear expectations, agreed upon by
both parents and clearly told to the child or adolescent.
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In
our mixed society, where culture and parenting styles are varied, different
families expect different behaviors from their children. One
child may be allowed to come home at any time, while another child may have a
strict curfew. When parents and children disagree about rules, an honest
exchange of ideas may help them learn from each other. However, parents must be
responsible for setting the family’s rules and values.
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Keeping
unwanted behavior from happening in the first place is easier than stopping it
later. It
is better to put breakable or treasured objects out of the reach of toddlers
than to punish them for breaking them. Parents should encourage curiosity but
should direct it into activities like playing with puzzles, learning to use
paints or reading a book.
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Changing
a child’s unwanted behaviors can help the child have the self-control needed
to become responsible and considerate of others.
Self-control does not happen automatically or suddenly. Self-control usually
begins to show by age six. With parents guiding the process, self-control
increases throughout the school years. Teenage experimentation and rebellion may
occur, but most youngsters pass through this period and become responsible
adults—especially if they had good early training.
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Families
pass methods of discipline and expectations of children from generation to
generation.
When discipline attempts are not successful, it is often helpful for someone
outside the family to make useful suggestions on training a child. Professionals
trained in child growth and behavior can give information on the way children
think and develop. They can also suggest different approaches to changing
unwanted behavior. The patience of parents, and help from caring professionals,
when necessary, will help smooth the way for children to learn and enjoy what
society expects of them and what they can expect from themselves.
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