Seniors generally experience more losses than their younger counterparts: loss of relatives and friends; loss of job, status and money; loss of bodily functions and abilities; and loss of independence and self-respect. However, the most profound and devastating loss that a senior may encounter is the loss of a spouse.

Reactions to loss can be either physical or behavioral, and could change over time. It is important to remember that grief knows no timeline, and a person’s grief process is individual to them. In fact, most people believe that it takes 2-4 years to accommodate one’s life to the death of a spouse.

Initial Reactions the first few weeks following the death can include: numbness, shortness of breath, heavy chest, shock, relief, denial, disorientation, crying, and listlessness. Gradually, the initial shock of losing that special person begins to give way to new physical and behavioral feelings: chest pains, a lack of energy, headaches, fatigue, vulnerability to illness, tension, anger, fear, guilt, panic, loneliness, depression, sleeplessness, and isolation. Eventually, these tumultuous feelings subside and we begin to adjust to the loss and begin to experience thoughts of “making it.” You begin to look towards the future and begin reconstructing your life. New interests may begin to develop.

It is crucial for the person to accept the reality of loss. This first step is crucial to the grief process. We have to allow ourselves to feel what we are feeling, to cry when we must. In order to fill the void the loss of a spouse caused, we must put our energy into developing new skills and interests. This enables us to begin taking responsibility for ourselves as new single people. Dealing with the loss of a spouse is never easy, however, there are people who are willing to assist. Enlist the help of a friend or family member. Remember to take care of yourself, and that person will always have a special place in your life.   

What Can a Child do to help their Parents?

• Talk about the deceased parent. Tell stories about the deceased. It is okay to mention their name.

• Let your parent be independent. Teach them a skill, rather than taking over household duties.

• Encourage them to take at least a year before making major changes such as selling the house, moving, or other major financial decisions.

• Phone or write frequently.

• Encourage them to make a new life for themselves.

• Encourage them to make new friends and to develop a social life independent of family.

• Allow your parent to decide when and how to dispose of the deceased clothing.

• Help them resist loaning money to family or friends- at least until they have a clear understanding of their new financial circumstances.

• Allow changes in family traditions. Sometimes the void is more apparent when we try to maintain old traditions rather than to develop new traditions better fitting a new life.

• Be accepting of the new person they will become and recognize their growth.

• Encourage participation in a grief support program.

Not everyone will experience grief in the same way. Reactions and feelings may differ depending on the person. Grief is a normal process that runs its course and eventually subsides. However, about 10 to 15 percent or people who lose someone very close go through prolonged clinical depression that may last years. If you or someone you know has lost someone close and is experiencing depressive symptoms, consult a physician or you can call our CARELINE at 1-800-662-1002 for help and answers on where to turn. 

Additional Resources : SeniorView Resource Center

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